August 20, 2019
Divorce Support

Divorce support-how to behave if your spouse is aggressive?

Why does anger arise in a person? Why are some people more prone to this, and others less? Is it upbringing or chemical processes in the body?

First, let’s understand what anger is from psychology. This is an emotional state, which involves aggressiveness. Violence is especially pronounced when a person is in the heat of passion. Such a reaction may occur in a person is in the process of activity or communication if events do not coincide with expectations. There is an adverse reaction to the inability to get pleasure, frustration, and aggression becomes a reaction to it.

There is open aggression and hidden aggression. In everyday life, people use open forms of attack, such as anger.

Aggressive people are people, as a rule, with hurt vanity, ambition, who believe that they are underestimated, they have not been given enough, and they deserve more and better.

There are also hidden forms of aggression:

defensively active,


What should a husband or wife do if the other half is getting angry too often?

Angry aggressive husband trying to hit his wife

For men, aggression is instrumental, and it is used to achieve the goal.

For women, aggression is expressive. If she feels bad, she starts screaming.

And if one shouts, and the other suffers, then the second partner is a silent accomplice of such a relationship.

Sometimes it happens that the couple shouts at each other in the morning, and in the evening they come home as if nothing had happened – no one is offended, they no longer remember what happened in the morning. If this happens and nobody is hurt, then it is not scary.

If the dishes in the house are not beating, but at the same time the wife constantly mumbles and annoyingly comments on how the husband has scattered his things, how he eats, how he sleeps, etc., then we can call this a hidden aggression. If a person is well with his spouse, then they are unlikely to spoil each other for such minor reasons. Such couples protect each other intuitively. Constant dissatisfaction with a partner destroys relationships much more than any single emotional shots or outbursts of anger.

A person understands very well where and how he can behave, where he can throw out his anger, and where not. If the wife reacts to the aggressive attacks of the husband as to something terrible, and the husband treasures his wife, he will try not to do this again. Man, in fact, can control it. A burst of anger can be extinguished, and it can be inflated. For example, at work, a person cannot show his aggression. But at home, has such an opportunity. One must always remember that a person behaves as he is allowed to act.

Since the family is a single whole, if one half of the family is sick with some ailment, in this case, anger, then the second half must be especially gentle because the meekness is opposite to rage.

It all depends on the measure to which a person is willing to endure, on the current situation in the family. If a person is continuously subjected to beatings and is no longer able to tolerate this, then he should temporarily evade their life together and see what effect this will have. If the path to reconciliation is found – go back. And if this condition does not pass, then you need to decide further what to do with it, whether it is possible to remain in the family.

Stress and anger are very well relieved by physical exertion. You can walk up and down the stairs, squat, or do some physical work, and it will become easier.

In general, a healthy person can control his emotions. Of course, when a person is furious, deep inner work takes place inside him, and it is easier to shout or break something. But it is essential to ask yourself the question in time: how much is the person who is in front of me guilty in my rage? If a person learns to analyze his emotions properly, it will be easier for him to cope with them.

The main task of a person who is angry is not to let his anger out. A person must grit his teeth, bite his tongue and do everything possible so that this passion does not rise. If he learns to catch these states, then he will be able to lower this anger deeper and deeper until he stops being born at all. But it is very hard. You need to be attentive to yourself, set your task to fight this passion. If a person takes care of himself in one thing, it is confident that he will look after himself in everything else.

Advice for women how to get away from male violence:

  1. Think about your health.

Very often, a woman dissolves in a spouse, thinks that he is well, but completely forgets about herself. That is why permanent male aggression seriously undermines the physical and, above all, the mental health of a woman. As a result, a woman can tolerate beatings and attack over the years, and the result is the same – a broken marriage.

But unlike when a woman leaves immediately, in this case, she is given a neurosis, frequent nervous breakdowns, depression, etc. from her husband. As a result, it is harder for her to find a job later, to meet her man. Getting away from a hopeless aggressor is better as soon as possible. Life is one, and its quality is directly dependent on your state of health, so take care of it.

  1. Always have your opinion and do not be afraid of someone else’s opinion.

If you feel bad, talk to people who can help you. You must first clearly understand what is best for you and your children, and take this into account. And do not be afraid of someone else’s opinion. Do not be scared to leave contrary to the idea of the family of the aggressor, if your spouse does not give hope regarding getting rid of aggressive behavior.

  1. Increase self-confidence.

If you are confident in yourself and know your worth, you will never allow a man to raise his hand. For women who know their value, a fighting man is not a man, and he loses all respect in their eyes.

  1. Never hide the fact of violence.

Very often, the aggressor spouse can be stopped only by asking for help. While no one knows that acts of violence have been committed against you, no one can help you.

  1. Remember that life is one and you don’t have to spend it on something that gives you and your children suffering.

Decide to change your life as early as possible before it is too late. But what to do for the spouse if the husband’s object was not her, but her child? The recommendations are as follows:

Take the child’s position and protect it. The spouse is already an adult, and therefore must be smarter than the child (by definition). But the child is unable to stand up for himself, especially in cases where the father is his authority. Moreover, the self-esteem of young children is still at the stage of formation, and aggression can deal a severe blow to it, which in the future will negatively affect a person’s life.

Talk to your spouse about his aggressive behavior. Ask him to introduce himself to the child’s place, how he feels, whether he is insulting. Adults often copy the conduct of their parents, and if your spouse allows you to disrupt the aggression on the child, it is likely that at one time his father was aggressive towards your spouse. In this case, the man will be more natural to understand the feelings of the child, because he had once experienced it.

If the spouse crossed the boundaries of what was permitted and began to apply regular beatings to the child — leave the house with the child or call the police. Remember the existence of a helpline.

If a spouse very often attacks a child verbally, does not find a common language with him, it is possible to temporarily send the child to the kin (grandmother, sister, mother) until the real causes of the aggression of the spouse are determined (independently or with the help of a psychologist).

The most important thing to remember is that the parent has the right to punish the child, but it is always necessary to separate the punishment that is adequate to the misbehavior of the child from unwarranted aggression. Sometimes the attack of one of the parents reaches such an extent that only a highly qualified psychologist can help in understanding the problem.

And you need to be careful with a spouse who is aggressive. It can ruin your life. That is why you may even need to divorce.

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